don giovanni characters as onion headlines

rodrigodipos-a:

don giovanni: man prone to lying beds woman prone to lying prone

leporello: man who thought he’d lost all hope loses last additional bit of hope he didn’t even know he still had

il commendatore: man passes away surrounded by knife-wielding loved ones

donna anna: kitten thinks of nothing but murder all day

don ottavio: friend attempting to provide comfort has no clue what the fuck she’s talking about

donna elvira: woman who left room crying earlier expects to jump back into party just like that

masetto: man on cusp of having fun suddenly remembers every single one of his responsibilities

zerlina: area woman not listened to again